She couldn’t quiet the violence in her head. At times she could contain it, other times it seeped from the darkest corner of her heart, to the palm of her hands. Faith would dig her nails into her hands, trying to stop the explosion brewing inside her. But she had learned it far too young, it was a part of her now. She didn’t know anything else.
So when Kevin raised his hand, she had to respond in kind. He was just trying to wrap his arms around his head. He couldn’t believe she had aborted their baby without letting him know. All he wanted was to bury his head in his hands, and mourn his unborn child. But her first instinct was always to be afraid, to fight. Just like how it scared her to have a baby growing inside her stomach, it scared her to think the love of her life wanted to hurt her. It didn’t help that he confronted her while she was chopping carrots for their supper. The sharp knife in her trembling hand found its way into his chest. And again and again, until he fell to his knees. He spoke his last words. Kevin forgave her, he forgave her for everything.
But how could she ever forgive herself, with his body buried in their backyard. She had bought a dozen yellow roses, her favourite, and planted them on top of his shallow grave.
Faith is tending to her late husband’s grave, when a figure appears from behind her.
“Ma!” She quickly turns around in terror.
“How are you Faith?” It’s her mother in law. The last person she wants to see.
“I’m okay ma. Really.”
“You know we’re the only family you have Faith. You can’t just lock yourself up in this big house all alone.”
She acts like she cares now, but Faith knows exactly why she’s here. Kevin has been missing long enough to be declared legally deceased. His mother just wants a share of everything he’s left behind. Kevin was a wealthy man. He always wanted to have a big family. He worked hard growing up, so he could be able to provide for his wife and children some day. And Faith had taken that dream away from him.
But he was already gone, and he had forgiven her. There was no need for her to suffer too. Everything he had left behind was for her, and the family they never had the chance to have.
“Ma, why are you here?”
Her mother in law’s eyes drift to the small garden in front of them.
“What’s that?”
“Mhhm?”
“That! It looks like fabric. What is that?”
She tries to get closer to the little piece of Kevin’s red shirt, stick out of the ground. Faith cannot believe how she could have missed that.
Like always, her fear gets the better of her. She pulls her mother in law by her hair, and forces her to the floor. She manages to get away, leaving faith with her wig in her hands.
“Where do you think you’re going. This is my house. All of this is mine. My husband left it for me.” Tears start warming her red cheeks.
Her scared mother in law falls and starts crawling into the house through the sliding door.
Faith kicks her sneakers off, and follows her barefoot. It’s about to get bloody, and she doesn’t want any evidence on her shoes.
The fear on the old woman only fuels her fury. How dare she play victim, when she wanted to take everything away from Faith. They always thought of her as the poor village girl who lost her entire family to a fire. A fire that was started by her abusive father, while she was out playing with friends. But they didn’t know that that fire still burned inside her.
Faith grabs one of her mother in law’s feet, and takes the shoe off. She hated how she always walked into her home in her expensive heels, and shouted out for Kevin like it was her house.
She hated their entire tight knit family because they always made her feel like an outsider.
Faith stabs her mother in law in the neck with her shoe, and drives it in even deeper.
“Tell Kevin I said hi.”
She watches her bleed to death, and finally succumbs to the violence inside her head.
A SHAMEFUL THING 